A salutary reminder

When you're at home, in your own environment, you develop a pattern over time. A daily rhythm - you know your limits, what works, what you can and can't eat, how much sleep you need etc.
Now that we're away from home, i've become disorientated from my straight and narrow path and i'm now learning how quickly all this steady progress can go to pot.

I'm lying in bed, feeling as sick as a pig.

Good food, great company and a familiar place (Claudia's sister in Bielefeld, Germany) is a potentially dangerous mix. Fine if you're particularly disciplined.
If you're like me, you get lost in the moment.
Conversation, croissants, coffee, cheese, nutella, salami, orange juice - NB this is a continental breakfast!
I'm forgetting things that have been carefully learnt - subtle mealtime choices that make the difference between a good day and a nauseous one.
I have to remember (and i'm reluctant to) that i'm not 'normal' anymore, in the eating-department. I cant just forget or i face the consequences.

Christmas

If you're still not getting into the spirit by now, its getting a bit late.

So if you're having trouble, this might even possibly sort you out...

Rejesus Website Karaoke Carols

Its so good, it makes the King's College carols service sound like dragging fingernails down a blackboard.

5 months on

Claudia and i were re-living some of the immediate post-op moments last night, over pizza in our fab newly opened local.
While she has a fantastic memory for the details of what happened in the day or 2 after the operation, i have only vague recollections.
Maybe its my subconscious suppressing that nightmare time. Maybe it was morphine saturation.

Well, 5 months on and the Beau's Lines - nail furrows - caused by the trauma of the operation have grown out. Look at this google link to see examples. Mmmmm!

As far as eating is concerned, my 6 mini-meals-a-day schedule has become a bit blurred. I now mostly fit in with the 3 main mealtimes at home with a fair amount of grazing in-between.

I always hoped that Christmas time would be a recovery threshold and it looks like it will be. Happy days!

Getting into the spirit - part3

The internet is amazing isn't it?
Slowly but surely over the last decade, it has snaked its way into our lives, to become an indispensible means of communicating, information gathering and gemming up on other people's mind-boggling trivia (like mine for example!).

Things like: did you know that its only 8 miles from Nazareth to Bethlehem? - if you live in Pennsylvania (US), that is.
This was the first option Google Maps threw out when i wanted to know how far Mary and Joseph had to travel.

The recommended journey through (today's) Israel avoids the West Bank, is about 100 miles and will take 1hr 50min in a car.

Poor donkey.

follow the link below to see some academy award deserving nativity musical talent, in honour of our much-forgotten 4 legged friend

Little Donkey

aaaaah

Getting into the spirit - Part 2

Following my Advent rant, click on the link below to see:

A Nativity Play in the wrong hands

Banned after Ofcom received nearly 800 complaints, this commercial was deemed to be in breach of Advertising Standards Code Rule 6.1 (Offence)...

The Nativity Story... offensive material... hmmm.

I love it!

Getting into the spirit

I can remember saying during chemotherapy, "bring on Christmas!!"... and we're nearly there.
In those dark old days, i reckoned the worst would be over by late December and that i'd be a good distance on the road to recovery. That just about sums it up which is great.

Christmas is a funny old time. On the one hand it marks the tentative arrival of history's most famous infant. On the other, it marks a frenzy of consumption on a quite unimaginable scale.
Which ever way you look at it, we are being encouraged to celebrate the retail madness, and pass by the "reason for the season".
It fascinates me to see the lengths organisations, companies and councils will go, to avoid references to the word Christmas or any christian aspect of it.

I was in the bank the other day, which was bedecked with colourful adverts for Merry savings accounts, Festive mortgages etc. Not an angel or shepherd to be seen...!
We recently bought Max a childrens magazine stuffed with seasonal stories and activities. Score: Santa/Elves/Rudolf - 100 / Baby Jesus - 0.

Has the Nativity Story become offensive material (not PC enough) or become so irrelevant that its just not worth the mention?

There are still zillions of people who celebrate the Christ-part of Xmas, so it seems quite weird and myopic that large parts of the media ignore it. Or is there something more sinister at work? (don't go there Pete - not this time!).

Anyway, Claudia and i are terrible at sending out Christmas cards. Its not because we object at the volume sent - 1 billion (UK/year) - or feel sorry for our under-appreciated Postie. We're just not organised enough.

So as a substitute, please follow the link below to experience the Nativity Story in all its paperless/dramatised/webtastic/cheesy-cool glory:

www.paperlesschristmas.org

Not quite over yet

Hopes of being discharged on Thursday last week were frustrated by the consultant's absence. He had been delayed in theatre (surgery), so his clinics were being conducted by a registrar, who would never discharge a patient without a consultant's consent.

She was quite pleased with my progress but suggested i come back in 3 months time for another clinic. Having been geared for a cheerful farewell, i guess i was a wee bit disappointed. I'd even bought the consultant and my nurse specialist (Jo) some chocolate... But it's just a formality and will have to wait till February.

This blog has been granted a last minute reprieve!!

4 months on...

Just been to church. We have this most amazing event called Space, once a month. A contemplative hour of, well.. space to think, pray, float (metaphorically) with music, visuals etc. The theme of tonight was "Journey". Well its been quite a sensational journey for us this year and my mind was filled with memories from along the way.

Its 4 months since i was lying prone, reliant on morphine, with space-age leggings on that inflated from my ankles to my knees (to avoid thromboses developing). I couldn't walk, breathing was an agonising ordeal, i was nil by mouth and the minutes were dragged out over what seemed like mini-eternities. How different that is to now. Its a testament to how amazing the body is at adapting/recovering.

And its also a testament to Claudia and the many friends and family members who have been travelling with me. But the biggest shout goes out to God, who has been an awesome companion in both the best times and the worst. Thinking back, it was as if the line in Psalm 27 (v5) came alive in some of the darkest moments..
"For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling".

Strange wording by today's standards, but in those forsaken moments, when time stood still, monitors bleeped, the pain seemed unending and visitors looked on helplessly - there were arms wrapped around me. Not overpowering, but there. When you're that low, exposed and lonely, the peaceful loving arms of God are the sweetest place to be.

its more mental now

As fickle as my body can be...
(eg) Yoghurt on Monday: fine - Yoghurt on Tuesday: stomach cramps,
i'm feeling as if the physical side of me is making really good progress.

re: eating - I can generally predict how things will fare after eating most things, and have developed a particularly healthy taste for crisps, chocolate and beer. But coffee? Still off limits.

My posture is improving well according to my physiotherapist, Andy, who doesn't want to see me anymore(!)... and my core strength is also much better according to Susie, my pilates instructor. Its funny how the simplest of slow, seemingly meaningless repeated exercises suddenly make you stand much taller.

Its the mental side of things that i'm finding harder at the moment. On the outside i'm looking more and more normal/stronger. On the inside (in my head) there's a long way to go. Getting used to the pattern of 3 mornings a week at work is one thing. But having to make decisions, trying to think creatively, remembering how everything works - where everything goes, that is proving quite tricky. I can't concentrate like i used to. I feel for my colleague Joachim, who is delighted to have me back. But i'm only firing on 1 cylinder at the moment, which isn't the most use.

My "working brief" is to take things sloooowly, celebrate the little victories as they happen and not expect too much more. Its becoming an act of will to resist the various pressures and expectations of "normal life" that are starting to emerge around me.

Louis turns one... nausea... back to work...

Hurrah for instant news!!
Louis' 1st Birthday is almost ancient history now. Our halloween baby chalked up his first year in typically relaxed fashion. He now bum-shuffles in circles as if nailed to the spot, which OF COURSE he isn't.

My "good" days are starting to out-number the ones where i feel nauseous. I'm really grateful for this. My next and final meeting with the consultant is on the 26th and i hope he'll be encouraged by my progress. It will seem strange to move off his current case-load. Does this mean i'm in remission or is it the all-clear?? We'll see.
Anyway, as far as the nausea is concerned, i'm hoping that as my gut fine-tunes itself further, it will give me a bit more slack regarding when and what i eat. At the moment, i try to stick to my 7am - 10 - 1 - 4- 7pm (i'm down to 5 meals a day!) mealtimes to avoid "going off" as i tend to describe it. Otherwise its onwards and upwards!

And as of this week, i'm phasing myself back into the office. At present, i'm doing the equivalent of 3 mornings, but it'll take a while to build up the reserves required to tackle a whole week at work.

Sitting at my desk again after 6 months is as surreal as... anything.