Lazy Saturday (Day 4)

Everybody's really sleepy in our bay today. Weekends are a lot quieter, with fewer staff around.

2 of the guys here urgently need radiotherapy which won't happen till the start of next week. I just hope they're not losing valuable time. Cancer doesn't have a pause button.


As for me, just about half-way through my 1st chemo regime, i'm keeping on top of the nausea with regular medication. The photo shows my morning fix, the plastic tube is the chemo drip.
Each 1lt infusion drip bag (lasts 22hrs) costs the NHS up to £1000, so they make sure every last drop goes in!


The main challenge for me is the mental one at the moment. Splitting up my day a bit like Hugh Grant in About a Boy into units seems to help. Reading - 2 units, Dozing - 1 unit, Blogging - 2 units Nattering Visits etc.


Claudia's parents arrived in Bath last night. It'll be great to see them.

Constipated / 83kg (Day 3)

Guys, thanks for all the wonderful texts, emails, calls, visits, blog comments, thoughts and prayers.
Your love & support are massively uplifting and the many messages are a great connection to the glorious outside world i can partially spy through the high bay window (i love this time of year!).

I hope you're all well.
I'm not too bad at the moment. Tired, slightly constipated, 2kg heavier from the extra fluids and keeping nausea at bay with regular pills. At this stage its difficult to determine how many of these are emerging side effects or if 2 days in hospital does this to everybody. My appetite is still good, even for the hospital food. Gloopy vegetable soup and beef sandwiches tonight. mmm.

My drug chart tells me that i have 3 full days of chemo left in this 1st round, meaning that i should be able to go home late on Monday night. Roll on Tuesday morning!!

Life on William Budd (day2)

Of the 4 of us in my bay, i have the best prognosis (chance of beating this) by far. This was really shocking to me.
Ok, i have cancer... which is a horrendous label, but 2 of the other guys have advanced cancer (stage 4) and the third was only in remission for a year before his cancer has returned.

Despite this depressing reality, the atmosphere in our little area is chatty, supportive and honest.
These seasoned in-patients have taken it upon themselves to show me the ropes, order from the "secret" snack menu, and encourage me that my chemo won't be too bad.

Speaking of which, my 1st chemo drip started at 4.30. I'm now full of platinum, the 2nd drug is on its way in and so far i'm not suffering any side effects. Thank God.
The photo shows the moment the platinum drug 1st entered my veins (there's some mild anxiety showing through..).

Bed 3 , Bay 3

I'm lying in a 4 bed bay, attached to a drip machine . Its on a stand, with wheels. Wherever i go, it goes. Fun..

For the first 24hrs, i'm being "hydrated" with saline. The proper chemo infusions will start tomorrow night.

First impressions: Life on the ward (for patients) is excruciatingly slow. I'll do well to keep my mind active and i'm sure this blog, books, visits and my neighbours will help.
More about them tomorrow.
I've just found the remains of a daddy-long-legs in my bedside light. Could it really have been there since last summer??

So it begins...

We called the hospital this morning. They have a bed for me...
So my treatment will be starting from 1pm.

Today, they will be filling me with 3 litres of saline ready for the first dose of toxic stuff tomorrow (Cisplatin). This platinum based drug can give you tinnitus, itchy palms, nausea, hair loss and the kidneys certainly don't like it. Did i mention the runny eyes and poos? There's never a dull moment being a guest of the NHS!

I'll keep you annoyingly informed of how i'm doing!!
While i'm in hospital (6-7 days), Claudia will be creating the posts. Thanks Claudia-kitten!

So here we go, an image of me (81kg) from day 1 - no that's my real hair, i haven't had chemo yet! Nervous? Yes a bit. Would value your ongoing thoughts/prayers.

Where the hell is Matt?

You may well have seen this before, but if you haven't PLEASE check it out!!

A guy travels the world and instead of taking photos of himself to send home, he posts videos of himself on a travel blog, dancing (badly) in all sorts of far-flung places.
Simple and quite strange, but over time, his blog became increasingly popular.
So much so that people all over the world wanted badly to dance (badly) with Matt.

So Matt set off around the world again, keeping in touch with his followers via his blog. Letting them know where and when he'd be dancing.

Click on the link to see how the story developed.
Where the hell is Matt? (click on the video window "Dancing 2008")

On the one hand its silly, simple fun. On the other hand i've had to fight back the tears...
It somehow broadcasts a joyful message that crosses just about every language and cultural barrier. Everybody wants to be part of it.
Incredible that one man could have caused such a global endorphine rush!
I think i should go to bed now.

T-minus 1 day

For part of my final day as a "free man", i took my brother Dave fishing to the exact same spot on Chesil beach (as on the 23rd). Expecting to harvest more mackerel, we caught 1 mini cod between us after 3.5 hrs fishing. Hmm.
But what meant most to me, was spending some valuable quality time with him - chatting, laughing, eating sandwiches, company.
Some things, when distilled to their most simple, can be incredibly meaningful/beautiful.

This evening, Claudia and i went out for dinner at Jamie Oliver's restaurant in Bath.
It was a bit like a "last meal". We reminisced about the favourite-est ever meals we'd had together. The flavours were so intense and we ate like pi... a lot.

Opportunities to dine like this may well soon be a thing of the past. Post-surgery, i will have a much smaller stomach (inside my chest) and i'll become an expert on children's menus!

Louis (6 months)

Bit of a descending scale there...

us

Asking a stranger to take your family photo is a thing isn't it?
"excuse me... could you, would you mind. You press it... there". I've yet to stumble on a David Bailey.
Anyway, with a bit of cropping we've got something to show for it, even if Max and Louis don't seem impressed.

Lee Abbey

It took a while to "arrive"... but we've come back having largely enjoyed the time we spent at Lee Abbey.
Our emotional/spiritual attachments to this stunning place run very deep. It is always an amazing experience to be there.

This weekend seemed to be the last opportunity to get away before the big changes begin. And that feeling persistently followed me during the weekend. Because once chemo gets underway, i feel i'll be entering a new chapter in my life.

I imagine it a bit like the scene in Finding Nemo, where Marlin and Dori (fish) arrive off the coast of Sydney. From the clear ocean, they're viewing a murky cloud of polluted water knowing they'll have to enter it to find Nemo (another fish). They're clearly nervous of whatever's hidden ahead.

The sunset (photo) was particularly significant for me. I've watched dozens of them at Lee Abbey. But as i watched this one, i was aware of 2 "voices" in the chatter of my mind. My anxieties were pretty noisy, but God was unmistakeably there too, giving me a sense of peace about whatever awaits me, taking me back to Psalm 27.